Mar-a-lago, one day before Inauguration.
This is going to be the best day of my life!
All those Hillary losers are going to have to watch me
Trumpy, its President.
Spell it with me now...
What about EMPEROR!!!!
*Kellyanne puts her face in her hands*
What no good? Alright, 'president'.. how boring.
You know I've already been president of 500
fortune 500 companies.
That's not true Trumpy...
Ok, so they were 500 fortune cookies...and I
ate them all last night, WHATEVER!
*Kellyanne rolls her eyes and shakes her head*
Ok, so who am I roasting tomorrow?
Over the Hillary Socialist Commie Bernie
Oh daddy, no! You need to act presidential and
Chelsea Clinton is my BFF! Besides,
presidents don't roast people -
and isn't cannibalism illegal?
Jew eeat braynz, jew grow braynz. Vy elz jew so smarrt?
Jared is really smart!
Oh daddy, no!
You need to act presidential and everyone
uses social networks and .coms nowadays! Besides
presidents don't do roasts, we have servants
to do all the cooking!
*Kellyanne picks her dress up & hides her face in it*
Mr President, Trumpy.. it's not a roast, it's an
INAUGURATION, and I can't believe I'm saying this
but Ivanka is right, you need to act presidential!
Oh I'll be presidential all right, like super uper
presidential, I'll be terrific! I'll be huge like my hands!
I'll be TREMENDOUS!
*Ivanka, Eric, Donald Jr. & Tiffany all start
clapping together enthusiastically.*
Tiffany, what did I say about showing your face in public?
Go in the corner!
Yes your lordship, your daddyship, I mean
yes Mr. President!
whispers to KellyAnne: Get that little
brain fart out of here.
*Kellyanne snaps her fingers and two secret service agents
grab Tiffany by the arm and escort her out.*
*Tiffany starts wailing as she's being pushed out the door*
What did I do this time?????
*shaking his head* Last time I ever use a Magnum...
What happened... it slipped right off?
*Trump sticks his finger in his ear and twists it around*
What did you say Kelly Baby? It ripped right off?
Oh yeah, totally, I mean I'm literally TREMENDOUS!
Of course you are Trumpy.
What about crowds, how are we ever going to compete
with the crowds Obama had? ... I know, seat fillers!
No never! I bring the biggest crowds, the best crowds,
have you been to my rallies?
*KellyAnne thinks to herself...*
Who should KellyAnne get to help?
Ask Ivanka Text Mario Lopez Call Staples
Red alert! Red alert -
We need to whomp Obamas crowds -
we're gonna need to make a miracle happen.
I have 2 million Nordstrom dummies nobody's using...
Great! Make sure they all have sunglasses and wigs
and hope noone notices they aren't moving.
Is it ok they're all women?
I give zero F's! Just fill the seats!
You got it Kanye. I'll deploy the dummies.
It's Kelly Anne Bimbo!
Oh - I think I have that Barbie!
Hey my spicy hot tamale can you tweet your followers,
we need about a million of them!
Hey girlfriend! OMG, I don't know that many queens!
I know the owner of Chipotle tho..
is it ok they're all illegals?
I give zero F's! Just fill the seats!
Gurrrrl I'm on it!
Can you print out a million cardboard cut outs of people?
Ummm are you like serious?
Yes! And I need them by tomorrow!
Well, we like only have one person,
but we can do it in like different colors?
I give zero F's! Have them ready by 8am!
So which A list celebrities are coming to my inauguration?
*KellyAnne shakes her head* They're all in 'her' camp.
No Mr President.
I'm sorry Trumpy.
Well what does that leave us?
All we can get is Kathy Griffin.
I love Kathy Griffin, she's tremendous,
she's got tremendous bosoms, tremendous lips and
she was tremendous as a hooker in Pretty Woman.
That's Julia Roberts Mr. President - she hates you.
Well can we just dress her up as a hooker?
*She laughs* No problem, I think she already does.
Ok are we ready? I'm going to tweet her,
@KathyGriffin will you host my election tomorrow? Hey you D list loser @KathyGriffin, want a job?
@realDonaldTrump I'm listening.
We got her! Get on the phone and seal the deal Kelly baby.
Hey Kathy, it's Kellyanne Conway, we would
be honored if you host the inauguration tomorrow!
Well normally I'd tell you that I'd rather brush my teeth with
a meat cleaver and gargle with bleach...
So here's the deal Kellyanne, I want the presidential suite at
the Four Seasons, a bucket of Beluga caviar, a case of
Krystal, a million bucks, and Air Force One to pick me up!
I can get you a box of Tic Tacs, three red bulls, a cot at Motel 6
and a coach seat on UNITED AIRLINES.
Hah! I would have agreed to 1 million.
Hah! I would have done it for the Tic Tacs! I need the work!
Kathy grabs a walkie talkie: Operation Boobie Cakes is a go!
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